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May 22, 1996-
An unidentified man was killed today while traveling from Britain to France via The Chunnel. According to onlookers, the man was attempting to propel himself from the front of a helicopter to the train behind him by blowing up the helicopter with some sort of gum-shaped explosive device. His tiny remains will be laid to rest in Paris, where they are currently being scraped off the rear of the train by authorities.
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